I'm Done
by iamtryN
Summary: After Asylum…what coulda happened…if I had written the episode…Dean's done… So's Sam… right? NOT A DEATH FIC….Please read notes at the beginning of Chapter 1
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything supernatural but… This is my new motto: I'm gonna continue to play with my pens and see what I can come up with... I'll overthrow the king of the sandbox and write my own stuff...:) (stubborn face)

**NOTE 1**: I wrote this right after the episode aired…I think my writing as changed some since then…but having trouble changing over to how I write now…so leaving as is… hopefully you will still enjoy….Wasn't planning on adding this one, but my son wanted to see it added with the others…(chews lower lip)

**NOTE2**: Line breaks within the chapters, you have seen before just not in my stories, means switching from one scene to next. (Which you probably already know…not trying to insult anyone) Really…really…

**NOTE3**: Thanks for your review of Burning Embers- mzz - Hope you like this one!

**Chapter 1**

Dean sat longer at the table with burger in hand and said flatly, "I wouldn't want to slow you down…" Then he cut his eyes up to stare intently at Sam, glaring daggers.

And with those simple words, Sam knew. A chill crept thru Sam, Dean would _never _forget. He would _never forgive_ him…and he couldn't blame Dean for that. When Sam himself…couldn't. Words wouldn't be enough to fix the gulf between them…_ever_. Sam had broken everything and Dean… Dean was angry.

Sam hung his head and waited for his brother to stand, after a few seconds Dean stood wiping his hands then throwing the napkin to the table.

Walking to the car was tension filled… minutes later they were on the road. Dean white knuckled the steering wheel, damn his chest burned like a _mother_… "Dean…"

"Not now, Sam." Dean bit out thru clenched teeth, not taking his eyes off the road stretching out in front of them. Half an hour passed of oppressive silence.

"But…" came Sam's soft reply as he tried again.

"Shut. Up. _Sam_." Dean tried not to snarl, but his chest hurt, among other things…like his pride…his self worth…stop that train _right the hell NOW_! Not going _there_! Dean growled in frustration…God, their lives _sucked_!

"At least take these…" Sam held out a couple of pain pills and a bottle of water… his try for a peace offering…at least until they could actually sit down to talk. Not that that would solve anything…_it wouldn't_…except…maybe make Sam _feel _better.

"_NOT NOW SAM_." Dean didn't bother to look at him this time either…

Sam slowly lowered his hands, letting the water bottle slide out of them and into the floorboard. Then he returned the pills to the bottle they came out of. _If Dean was lost to him_… he shook his head as he pulled out a flask and upended it.

Dean glanced over at the guzzling sound Sam was making, his eyes widening as he took in the flask, "Hey…" he looked back to the road. "Hey…what's in that?" this time not taking his eyes from the road.

Sam continued drinking it until it was empty, putting the lid back on he stated, "Beam, so and…what?" Then it seemed to dawn on Sam that Dean was talking to him, "Wait a minute…you're not talking to me…What do you care?"

"You dumbass! You took major pain pills less than an hour ago." Dean stated, stepping into the gas. "I'm getting us a room."

"I'm fine…don't bother…" then Sam pulled another flask, had it opened and upended before Dean could blink twice.

Sam didn't even notice the glare Dean leveled at him, _When did the little shit start carrying a flask of Jim Beam _around on his person_, let alone_ _**two**_?… "You little fuck…are you trying to piss me off?" Dean snarled, his temper crackling and sparking like a loose electrical wire…

Sam didn't say anything, _No_, he thought silently, _He really, really didn't want to do that_…

"Sam." Dean snarled again, this time in warning, slamming on the brakes and swerving to the side of the road.

Sam head hit the dash and he bounced back against the seat and started to rebound back again but Dean growled at Sam slamming him back against the seat, preventing the second collision of Sam's head. He let go long enough to slam the car into park and kill the engine. Dean started cussing, slamming out of the impala and around to yank Sam's door open.

Sam's laughed as blood trickled down over his eyebrow. He holds the flask out triumphantly, "Didn't spill any!" and starts to bring it back up to his lips.

Dean smacks it out of Sam's hand.

Sam smiles cause, _hell_, he's really feeling no pain… and he flopped onto the seat reaching for the flask.

Dean's skyrocketed past pissed straight to volcanic red hot lava- his temper is about to blow as he yanks Sam back by the back of his shirt. He then slammed Sam upright against the seat and braced him there, hand firmly splayed across his chest. Sam's head nodded forward as his eyes slide closed. Dean slaps him with his free hand, "Oh, no you don't, you little shit! Wake up, right the fuck now!"

Sam's eyes pop open as his arm snakes out to fist in Dean's shirt.

Dean hisses in pain as Sam makes contact with his chest.

"D…I sorry…I dinna mean…" and pitches forward, out cold…

Dean sighed, laying him over and patted his arm, "I know Sammy, I know." Closing the door, he watched Sam a few minutes before climbing back into the driver's seat to continue on to the motel.

* * *

Someone grabbed Sam by his shirt front and shook him awake. Sam opened his eyes to stare at Dean's cold glare.

"I'm tired of waiting for your sorry ass to wake up." Dean snapped.

Sam closed his eyes, he felt the sting of a slap to his cheek.

"_This_ pathetic little soldier that doesn't have an original thought in head is done…" and with that said, laughed icily.

Sam's eyes popped open, "_No_, Dean."

"Yeah and you're right…I've been listening to dad too long…I'm done…_you_ can take care of Sammy…_cause I'm done_…_I can't forgive you_." Dean sneered and walked out without looking back…

Sam sat up and everything spun. He stood anyway and his vision went black…as he went down, _Dean_, was his last thought…

* * *

Sam woke up with a gasp, sitting up. From his position on the floor he looked for Dean. The room was empty. No stuff and no Dean. He stood, staggering to the table. Sinking into a chair, he rested his forehead on the cool tabletop, Dean was gone…Dean hated him…well, _fuck it_…he was done too! His hand automatically felt for the gun resting against the small of his back. He chewed his lip…should he leave the room? Dean wasn't coming back, why bother? But should he leave a note? So, Bobby and Dean wouldn't feel… Sam took out his phone and placed on the table. Then he took the motel pad and pen and wrote…

Big brother…Dean, man… Don't worry about how you left…not your fault… When they call you to pick up the body, just salt and burn-go to Bobby-don't do it alone. Don't feel guilty man-you had a right to leave and a right to say what you did…it's ok to be done…hell, dad was done a long time ago. I'm glad you stuck around as long as you did…thanks, man. After what I said…it's ok you can't forgive me. I understand…love you…and forgive you. Sammy

Sammy placed the phone onto the pad and left them both in the middle of the table. Going into bathroom, Sam climbed into the tub, sitting down he leaned back. At least here would be easier cleanup for the maids… he felt a twinge of quilt for the unknown maid that would probably discover… he closed his eyes. He prayed Dean would someday forgive him. He placed the gun to his temple, his eyes sliding closed again. Silent tears making tracks down his cheeks. He still felt drunk and his hands shook, "Dean." he mumbled, pulling the trigger…

**TBC**

**NOTE4: sorry, but this is where original chapter one ended… Do you like? Do you want the rest of the story?**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer__**: I don't own anything supernatural but… This is my new motto: I'm gonna continue to play with my pens and see what I can come up with... I'll overthrow the king of the sandbox and write my own stuff...:) (stubborn face)**_

_**NOTE1**__: I no medical background…just putting in what fits for my story __J, please no hair pulling…yours or mine…just go with flow…(No I'm not a hippy…but my older sister was…J)_

_**NOTE2**__: Thanks to: Luviliacd for your review of Burning Embers and I also want to thank the people that have added Burning Embers and I'm Done to Favs and Alerts. Hope you enjoy this chapter.J_

_Chapter 2_

_Dean stumbled into the room, the single light above the table barely lighting the room. His arms full of bags, keys jingling, food wafting thru the air as he kicked the door shut. "Hey, sleepyhead… got food, since you didn't eat much at the diner earlier. Supplies…want to help me unload…" Dean was trying to act like nothing was wrong, that there wasn't awkward silence between them now that he didn't know if they could repair. Then noticed the empty bed… "Sam?" he called out as he sat the food on the table. Pretend like Roosevelt Asylum never happened_… "We still got to unload our shit bud…" He noticed Sam's phone and moved it when he saw his name on the motel pad.

Dean _didn't _understand! He couldn't get passed _Salt and Burn… Sam's body… WHAT the FUCK? _He'd went on a god damn food run! Hadn't even unloaded anything, cause Sam was out cold. He'd wanted to get food in Sam, after the alcohol and painkillers. _He hadn't talked to Sam_… "Sammy!" Dean screamed, turned in a circle, dropped the note. The room was empty but the bathroom door closed. It hadn't been when he'd left earlier. "Please no…pleasepleaseplease…" Dean closed his eyes briefly before pushing the door open, forcing himself to look. "Sammy…noooooooo…no…no…no…" He slid on his knees to the tub, banging them into the side as he collided with it. Already reaching for his brother. Sam's arm was flung out, gun laying by the toilet. Blood was covering the side of Sam's face. Dean couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. He pushed Sam's hair back, "God, little brother, _WHAT _were you thinking?…don't you die on me…don't you fucking dare, kid…" His bloody hand went to Sam's throat…he sobbed and rested forehead to forehead as he whispered to Sam, "We'll get thru this little brother…Sammy…I love you…do you hear me…you gotta fight…fight for me…" Dean pulled his brother close, then used one hand to dial 911.

In the waiting room Dean calls Bobby. In under two and a half hours Bobby stormed into the ER waiting area. He found Dean trying to explain to the admissions desk he didn't have the insurance cards, his uncle did and he was on his way.

Bobby glared at the lady before asking harshly, "Are you giving my boy a hard time? Didn't he tell you I was bringing the cards?"

The lady nodded.

Bobby looked at Dean as Dean shook his head no., "You haven't told him anything about his brother?" Bobby growled, giving her a don't-fuck-with-us-right-now glare.

She shook her head to the negative.

"Is he stable?" Bobby asked gruffly.

"I don't know, sir." She tried to smile reassuringly.

"I want him transferred to Sioux Falls as soon as he is…and his brother will be riding with him." He stated firmly, leaving no room for argument.

Twenty-six hours later, Dean sat by Sam's bed in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Holding Sam's hand waiting for him to wake up.

Bobby came in with two coffees. He handed one to Dean. "I had a friend tow the impala to the yard…I cleaned the room…um…the gun…its at my house…I felt its…" Bobby shifted, uncomfortable.

"Thanks, Bobby…I don't want it." Dean leaned his head onto Sam's arm.

Bobby squeezed his shoulder, then cleared his throat, "Sam's phone…and the note are in the glove box…"

"That note…" Dean says looking up, and taking his coffee from Bobby, "Makes no sense…" He sat the coffee down and pushed Sam's hair back looking down at Sam as he mumbled, " We were lucky…it just grazed him. So, why isn't he waking up, Bobby?" Dean looked back up at Bobby, then turned his attention back to Sam, "Sammy…please, man…wake up…"

"Dean." Bobby says softly.

Dean looks up again at Bobby, "Son, you need to…you need to take a break and uh…wash up."

Dean stares at Bobby, then frowns confused, looking down at his hands.

They were clean, scrubbed in scalding water until after an eternity the water had run clear. "Huh?" tilting his head to the side, unable to comprehend.

Tears slid unnoticed down his cheeks, Bobby held up his hand in a silent be-right-back. Before Dean's brain had processed what Bobby was saying he was back. "Dean look at me." Dean sat blinking at him owlishly, "Trust me, boy."

Dean nodded and Bobby brought the warm cloth up to Dean's forehead, causing Dean to jerk away in reflex. Bobby placed his free hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently before showing him the now bloody rag. Dean looked up at Bobby dazed, "You're scaring the nurses, son." Dean tried to grin, looking pale, Bobby resumed his task. Someone cleared their throat.

"Mr. Singer?" The doctor asked, looking at Bobby.

"Yes?" Both Dean and Bobby answered, Dean too worried to be embarrassed at someone seeing Bobby cleaning him up like he was two.

"Sir… may I speak to you in my office? The tests results are back and I have some questions, myself."

"Now wait just a dam…" Dean snapped, starting to stand.

Bobby's grip tightened to hold him in place, he squeezed again. "Dr." Bobby started, "Dean has raised his brother…you can talk to both of us. Here. We ain't leavin' the boy."

The doctor sighed, "I'd prefer…"

Dean growled, "I don't give…"

Bobby's grip tightened on Dean's shoulder, "What my nephew is trying to say…we don't give a shit about what _you_ prefer, this is about Sam."

The doctor blinked but didn't show any other response except to turn and shut the door. Stepping closer, he began. "My name is Dr. Banks, and I will be attending Mr. Singer during his stay with us. To understand the results better I need to know a few things. Is Mr. Singer…"

"It's Sam." Dean said, softly.

"Has Sam ever been suicidal before?" The Doctor looked up from his clipboard.

Dean made a stand again maroon, "Never."

Bobby said calmly, "No."

"No previous attempts?" Dr. Banks were pressed together into a frown of concentration.

In unison, "No."

Dr. Banks wrote on his clipboard, then looked at them thoughtfully after lifting a couple papers and studying something. " Has he acted strangely lately?" looking from Dean to Bobby before continuing, "Has something happened recently?"

Dean looked at Bobby, then nodded.

Dr Banks asked, "Electrical shock, maybe?"

"Yeah, it did. Right against his temple…hanging wire…old building…took a few seconds to sever the connection…" Dean just stops talking, staring into space.

Bobby continues, watching Dean, "They were working a remodel, power was suppose to be off, they didn't see the bare wire hanging down…boy's so damn tall he walked right into it, knocked him on his ass…but we thought he was ok."

"He got up." Dean said in a faded voice that was starting to worry Bobby.

Dr. Banks nodded, "That explains the…in simplest terms…electric jolts he's having. How long ago was the accident?"

"About a week…ago" Dean said, looking at the floor.

"He been having hallucinations? Thinks people are mad at him? Overly emotional…crying for no apparent reason?" He looked up, expectantly.

Dean's mind automatically goes to "_the note_" and the fight goes out of Dean, causing it to look like he physically deflated.

Dr. Banks stops and watchs Dean.

"Uh, he wrote a note forgiving me for being done with him… leaving…but I went to get food…we didn't have a fight… at least." Dean sighed, "I didn't."

"Mr. Singer…" The doctor started at Dean's reaction.

Dean's brain went into overdrive…Sam trying to talk to him…trying to give him pain medicine…trying to apologize… and he was still… fighting Ellicott's "_help_."

"Mr. Singer?" Dr. Banks tried again.

"Myfaultmyfaultmy…" Dean started rocking slightly. Bobby shook Dean… after a couple of seconds Dean glanced at Bobby with a look so _little boy lost_, that Bobby's breath hitched.

"Son," looking Dean in the eye… "it's not your fault."

"I didn't…" Dean gulped. _What the hell had Sam seen_? Dean ran a hand thru his hair. _Hallucinations_, Dean tried to remember exactly what "_the note_" said. _It was ok to be done, ok not to forgive Sam, and ok to be done with him_… "FUCK…" Dean turned back to Sam, leaning in close forehead to forehead, not touching but close enough to feel the magnetic pull to connect. Dean whispered, "Sammy, it wasn't real. It was still Ellicott. I need you to wake up and tell me what it is _you think _we talked about. Cause…dude…" Dean rubbed Sam's arm. "I'm officially freaked the fuck out."

Bobby ushered the Doctor out to go to his office or hall or wherever _the hell _to finish the conversation so that his boys could be alone. Because if anyone could get Sam back, it was Dean.

"Sammy, man…" He brought his hand up to touch Sam's face. "I know I've been an ass… and I deserve a beat down for it, but man I don't deserve to loose you… do I?" Dean tried to hold back his sob. "Please… please just give me a chance. Think little brother. In everything we've been thru when have I ever willingly walked away from you? That's you and dad's gig, not mine…"

_No response_… If Sam had been awake that statement would have pissed him off, Dean sighed…

"When have I given up on you?"

_No response… _

"Come on, you know me…"

_No response…_

"No matter how pissed I get at you… when have I ever washed my hands of you?"

_No response…_

"Or walked away?"

_No response…_

"Or said I'm done and walked away?" Dean rubbed a hand over his face, he disjointedly thought, _I think I'm repeating myself_?

_No response…_

"When as that _ever_ been _me_?"

_No response…_

Dean's tears fell on Sam's face. Dean closed his eyes and pleaded silently, "Please God… Little brother…" Dean whispered brokenly.

"Ne…v'r….fore…" Sam breathed softly.

Dean's eyes snapped open and he pulled back so he could see Sam's face clearly, "Sammy?" he almost sobbed.

"Ca…n't…be…'re…" Sam gasped out, blinking rapidly.

"What? I'm not leaving you Sammy." Dean stated firmly.

"No for…gi…ve me…don't…be…lo..'g…" Sammy sighed, before exhaling the last word, "he…ll." Eyes closing.

"Dude, you're not dead." Dean said loudly, shocked. Even if the dumbass did die he wouldn't go to hell…well, technically, suicides were the one unforgivable sin. But Dean thought that personally it'd be on a one on one basis. You know…look over the whole record not just one period…ok. A person's last mark on his list of shit to do but… crap, his brain was fried… He looked lovingly at his little brother placing a hand on each cheek and said firmly, "I need you to look at me."

_No response…_

"Sammy, open your eyes."

_No response…nothing…_

"Please."

Sammy opened his eyes.

"Sammy, you didn't die…man, you tried, you dumbass, but…" Dean started.

Sammy closed his eyes, tears slid down his cheeks, "Fucked up…"

Dean smiled…cover up and pretend…"You sure did, _what were you thinking, little brother_?"

"Should have used a big..ger gun…" Sammy muttered.

"_LIKE HELL_!" Dean yelled, pinching Sammy's cheeks as he squeezed Sam's face, his hands clenching in response to the fear once again coursing the his body.

"Dea…mmm." Sam tried to say thru smashed together cheeks.

"How do _you_ think it felt to come back from getting _your_ dumbass something to eat so you wouldn't die from the mix of pills and booze and I picked up supplies for the cut on forehead to find that _you_ tried to put a gigantic hole in your temple _that I can't fix_!" Dean's tormented green eyes intensely staring into Sam's, a deep breath and Dean was ranting again, "To find a note… A NOTE SAMMY… with _instructions _to a _quilt free salt and burn _and _forgiveness_ for being done! _FOR YOUR __INFORMATION_… I'.DONE!" He took a ragged breath, "_… NOT. WITH. YOU_!"

A nurse slammed the door open.

Dean didn't look up, snarling, "He's awake…Now…GET OUT!"

She startled and rushed from the room.

"Dea…mmm." Sammy tried again.

Dean was trying to breathe, he really was. But, he was so damn pissed! Ok, scared shitless… _Only Sam_… and on occasion Dad had the ability to do _this _to him… But, anger… anger seemed so much easier to deal with. "What Sammy?" Between gulps, Dean noticed his grip, loosening Sammy's cheeks before patting a cheek after he loosened his grip.

"Don't…have to stay…" Sam tried again, he didn't want Dean here because it was his job…_he_ wanted his brother to be here because Dean _wanted_ to be with his brother, too.

Dean's grip tightened again, Sam's face turned red… "No, but I want to, Sammy. Sleep now. When you wake up…you and me… we are going to talk everything out. You got me?" Dean asked firmly.

Sam nodded, getting a mangled _love you _out between incapacitated lips.

"Love you too, bitch…" Dean let his head drop to his chest and sobbed as Sam went back to sleep.

A few seconds later a heavily breathing Bobby and Dr. Banks skidded into the room followed by the nurse that Dean had kicked out of the room. Bobby saw Dean's quivering form and rushed over to place a hand on his shoulder. Bobby didn't want to ask but did anyway, "Is he?"

"Sleeping." Dean replied dully.

Bobby sighed in relief sending up a silent prayer of thanks.

Dean glanced over his shoulder past Bobby and glared at the doctor and nurse, adding in a low deadly voice, "GET. OUT."

The Doctor walked forward determinedly as the nurse squeaked in alarm at the homicidal look on the normally sad face. Dr. Banks stood on the other side of the bed. "Not until I look him over." Looking Dean in the eye.

Dean nodded, then looked away, dropping his hands to his side in clenched fists.

"He was awake?" Dr. Banks asked as he looked at Dean.

"Yes…but I don't think…I don't know if he knew he was…where he was." Dean babbled, frustrated as he tried to calm his breathing and his expression…_Damn tears_!

"That's normal… should be more lucid as the day progresses…" He patted Sam's arm, "Looking a lot better, kid."

He looked Dean in the eye, "He's going to be fine. We'll do more tests after he's fully awake, but the jolts should go away soon. Then everything will be back to normal."

Dean nodded afraid to say anything.

Bobby waited until the door closed behind Dr. Banks and the nurse before asking gently, "What happened Dean?"

"He said he fucked up…" he replied so softly, in an almost whisper head bowed with his hands still clenched, that Bobby had to lean in to hear Dean.

"Damn right." Bobby nodded firmly.

Dean started shaking and looked at Bobby with such heart broken eyes that he instantly teared up, reaching out he went to touch Dean's arm, Dean jerked back, "Fucked up Bobby, by not using a bigger gun…"

Bobby pulled Dean into a hug…Dean's clenched fists shook a few seconds before finding their way to slam against Bobby's back. Dean's head falling to Bobby's shoulder as he broke. A few minutes later, Dean's knees buckled, bringing both men to their knees, but Bobby didn't let go. "I gotcha…" Bobby murmured.

He knew Dean fell asleep when his fisted hands fell away from Bobby's back to hang limply. Bobby just sat there, he wasn't moving and he wasn't letting Dean go. It was the first time Dean had been asleep in over twenty-six hours. They stayed that way until a nurse came in and rushed over, Bobby shushed her. "Boy's exhausted… Hasn't slept in at least twenty-six hours. Can you bring another bed in here?"

"I've got to get Dr. Banks…" She stated, nervously.

"Do what you need to get it done…" Bobby snapped and as an after thought added, "Please."

So an hour later he had both boys in beds sound asleep. They had even brought a recliner in for "_poor Mr. Singer_." Whatever, Bobby thought, it was a damn comfortable chair.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything supernatural but… This is my new motto: I'm gonna continue to play with my pens and see what I can come up with... I'll overthrow the king of the sandbox and write my own stuff...:) (stubborn face)

**NOTE#1**: I no medical background…just putting in what fits for my story J, please no hair pulling…yours or mine…just go with flow…(No I'm not a hippy…but my older sister was…:))

**NOTE#2**: Thanks to: CeCe Away for your review of Burning Embers and I also want to thank the people that have added Burning Embers and I'm Done to Favs, Alerts and communities. Hope you enjoy this chapter.:)

**NOTE#3**: If you get the impression that I hate John… I don't! But there have been times when John has not been available even when Dean or Sam has called him feeling desperate….

**NOTE#4**: This is the final Chapter.

Chapter 3

Bobby woke to Dean still asleep and Sam mumbling in _his_ sleep. God, Bobby was _mad_ _as hell_ at John Winchester! If he was to walk in the door right now, he'd be inclined to shoot the bastard! He had called John on his way to the first hospital, then again when he got Sam transferred to update John. Then yet again when he got here and even when he went out for coffee earlier. No return calls…nothing. He knew if Dean had heard from him he would have said something. But Bobby wasn't going to bring him up… If John didn't want to be here for his boys, _HE_ damn sure would be! Bobby startled out of his contemplation when Sam threw his arm out.

"Don't leave… please." Sam's head was turned away from Bobby but he heard Sam's sob. "Dean." as his hand fell back to the bed.

Bobby scrambled from the recliner, he got to Sam in time to hear him say, "Fuck it… done too." and then nothing. He put his hand lightly on Sam's arm. "Sammy?" he whispered.

"Sammy?" Dean called out in his sleep only to jerk himself awake a few seconds later. Sitting straight up, hair looking like he'd stuck his finger in a light socket. Dean looked down, "_What the hell_?" then he flung the covers back as Bobby took a step toward him. Dean held up a hand to hold Bobby off as he flung his legs over the side of the bed. Thank God he still had street clothes on and NOT one of those stupid gowns that left your ass hanging in the… so not important… "Sammy?"

"I think he's dreaming." Bobby said softly, he really wasn't surprised that Dean chose that moment to wake, the boys were linked, always had been.

Dean frowned, making his way over to Sam.

Bobby stepped to one side to make room for Dean.

Dean stood there for an eternity it seemed waiting for Sammy to wake the fuck back up. "Bobby, what did he say?"

Bobby pretended to be asleep, since he'd went back to his recliner.

"Bobby, I know you're awake." Dean didn't even take his eyes off Sam.

Bobby sighed, "Dean he was dreamin'."

Dean felt a cold chill creep over him, "And?"

A nurse knocked lightly on the door and stepped in, "Excuse me, gentlemen, need to check vitals."

"You're new?" Dean asked suspiciously, frowning at her.

"Yeah, one of the girls had a bad experience last night…refused to come back… we switched floors." She looked down at her chart and missed Bobby's snort and Dean's maroon face.

"Shuddup." Dean mumbled, embarrassed, he was going to have to get even with Bobby… later.

"Dean Singer… how about you go first since your awake." She smiled at him.

"Naw, I'm fine. Check Sammy." Dean gave a fake grin as he shook his head.

"Ok, but don't think I'm going to forget about you…" She smiled, then started vitals on Sam. When she took his temperature she frowned.

"What?" Dean asked, worried.

"Temp's up a little more than I would like." She stated writing on her chart.

"But…" Dean bit his lip…

"Mr. Singer, I'm sure he'll be fine…I'll be right back with something for the fever." With that she left the room. When she came back she took Dean's vitals much to his annoyance.

Thru out the night Sam's fever kept rising, by three a.m. Dean was pushing Sam's hair back with a lukewarm washcloth.

Sam opened his fever brightened eyes and looked at Dean.

"Sammy, 'bout time…" Dean said with relief.

"Why here?" Sam asked frowning.

"Where else would I be, Sammy? _You're my brother_.", Dean stated sincerely, continuing to wipe the rag onto his forehead.

"You… you said done… ca…n't forgi…ve me." A tear rolled down Sam's cheek, "don't ha…ve to come… back…. stay." Sam patted Dean's chest, "Ok." he held his hand there a moment longer, "I done too." and his eyes slid shut.

Dean's hand stilled. "Sam?" Dean couldn't feel Sam's breathe on his hand anymore. Dean's heart thundered in his chest and he couldn't breathe. "Sammy?" Dean whispered, laying his free hand on Sam's chest… _nothing_…_no response_… "I didn't leave… I didn't leave you…SAMMY! BOBBY!" Dean cried out in fear.

Bobby jumped up from a sound sleep…"What?"

"He's not breathing!" Dean said frantically.

Bobby ran yelling from the room.

"I didn't leave you little brother…" Dean leaned in close, saying urgently, "Don't you dare leave me!" Dean was shoved to a corner as they worked on Sam. He stared blankly, barely breathing. Unnoticed tears streaking down his face. "Come on, come on, come on… little brother… don't do this, please…" Dean didn't feel Bobby wrap his arm across his shoulders. Dean's knees buckled when Dr. Banks sighed with relief…"We got a pulse… he's back." The only thing that kept Dean upright was Bobby.

Dr. Banks eyes sought out Dean, "You need to be in bed, Mr. Singer. " He told Dean sternly.

Bobby brought him forward to sit on his bed.

"Mr. Singers… we are keeping the iv in for pain and fever reducers. We are going to leave the heart monitor." He held up his hand to silence Dean as Dean opened his mouth, " Just a precaution. I'll be back in a couple of hours… get some rest or I will knock you out myself to make sure you do… if I have to."

After the doctor left, Dean sighed wearily, "God, Bobby what have I done?"

Bobby glared and then smacked him on the back of the head.

"What the hell?" Dean asked as he rubbed his head.

"Idgit." Bobby glared at him some more as he faced Dean. " You were out getting supplies _for_ your brother… _FOR HIM_. He was out cold! How were you suppose to know he was still having issues from the asylum?"

"I should have, Bobby… it's my job." Dean said miserably.

"Well, Sam would be the _first_ to tell you to not be an idiot. How you can both find a way to blame _yourselves _for everything that happens _to the other one _is beyond me! Sam blames _himself _for the asylum. Can't forgive himself for hurting you, especially when he _doesn't _feel that way at all… _then you_…" Bobby threw up his hands. "Coffee, gotta have coffee…" When he got to the door he turned, "I'll bring you some." and he left.

Dean sat with his head bowed. He'd refused to talk to Sammy. Wouldn't let him talk, refused pain pills from him. Kept making remarks about the things said at the asylum. He never gave Sam a chance cause he'd been hurt. He'd given everything to Sam and he'd thrown it back at him, twice. First Stanford, then the asylum. He'd been angry. God, he'd been _pissed_. The _self righteous _Winchester wraith… now look what it 'd cost him… pride comeith and all that shit… He should have learned from when dad had used it, look how well that turned… didn't see Sammy for years… Dean hit his forehead a couple with his fist and opened his eyes. Sure, he _hadn't told _Sam they were done. That he was sick of him and he was gone. But, he might as well have. He had stayed with Sam but, wouldn't let him talk, wouldn't let forgiveness in because the hurt was so strong. Dean decided he was fucked in the head. He stood and went to Sam's side again. "Sammy?" he pushed Sam's hair back. "I'm so sorry…" He smoothed a thumb across Sam's eyebrow. "I was wrong…I." He swallowed. "I let my feelings get hurt. I let the nasty shit from a job affect us…my insecurities of Stanford came back…I was a dumbass. _A class "A" bastard_! But… I could ne…" He stopped as he opened his eyes and stared into Sam's confused eyes. "Sammy, do you hear me? Are you with me?" He rubbed Sam's cheek. Less warm, YES!

Sam nodded slightly, closing his eyes as he turned into Dean's hand.

"No, Sam…wake up for a minute…"

Sam opened his eyes, looking up at Dean.

"Sammy, I don't know what… _happened _while I was gone to the store. But I'm _telling you_…" Dean leaned in a little closer. "I could _never_ be done with you. Ain't gonna happen…_EVER_."

"Store?" Sam asked, licking his lips, "Don't know…"

"Sammy, tell me what you saw… Can you do that? I need to know." Tears shone in Dean's eyes. Dean didn't care. Pride? _Hell_, what was that anymore?

"T'rd D…" Sam mumbled, eyes closing.

"Sammy?" It was a thousand things being said, asked, pleaded all in one word.

"De'mm." Sam answered…snuggling into Dean's hand and falling back to sleep. But to Dean's relief he felt cooler.

As the night progressed Sam's fever broke and he woke to Dean holding his hand with one hand and his other resting in Sam's hair. From what it _felt_ like every time Dean's hand would jerk in his sleep, he pulled Sam's hair.

He blinked a couple of times, over Dean's shoulder he could see Bobby asleep in a recliner, "Huh?" he thought., "I'm in a hospital. Why?" and the answering twang of pain came from his temple. He lifted his free hand to the bandage…Oh, God… his breath caught. He'd been asleep… no… drinking in the impala after… Dean wouldn't talk to him or take medicine. Dean said they were getting a room, then Dean woke him up and… His gaze jerked to Dean and he yanked his hand away from Dean.

Dean swiveled his head back and forth looking for a threat. Turning back he looked at Sam. Sam was looking at him as if… damn… "Hey, Sammy."

"Dean." Sam said, suspiciously. "Why are you here?"

Dean closed his eyes, wondering how many more times he would have to explain this to Sam. "Ok, Sammy. Listen closely. I'm only saying this _**one more time**_. _I NEVER LEFT_. Ok…technically I left… but I went _**shopping**_ and came back to… to… I never left. I've been with you the whole time."

Sammy stared, "But… but you woke me up. And you said… that you tired of waiting for my sorry ass to wake up." He looked at Dean. Dean opened his mouth. Sam continued, " You said that the pathetic little soldier that doesn't have an original thought was done. That I was right, you listened to dad too much and you were done. I could take care of myself… cause you were done and can't forgive me. I tried to follow you but… I woke up on the floor… you were gone…all our stuff."

Dean cried softly, "Awh, Sammy." Dean rested his elbows on the bed and rested his forehead against his clasped hands, he took a couple of breathes trying to get everything back under control before looking up at Sam, " Dr. Banks." at Sam's blank look, "Your Doctor says after you have an electrical shock, especially with your head it can cause electrical surges that can really fuck with your head."

Sammy blinked, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying… I was so worried about your mixing pain pills and booze I wanted to get food in you to counter act… and I got supplies to fix your cut from the dashboard. But I was in such a rush, I didn't bring anything in. Figured I could unload after I fed you. So I left you out cold in bed. I didn't think to leave a note.. Or about side affects.. You almost died Sammy cause I didn't…"

"No." Sammy said softly.

"What?"

"_NO_." Sam repeated.

"No, what?" Dean asked, confused.

"Not you… not your fault."

Dean snorted.

"Dean. When I woke up. I looked… around… couldn't find you and thought I'd finally pushed you away. Said fuck it. " He shrugged, "I was done, too… thought it was ironic that I still had my gun. Nothing else… but."

"You had me." Dean said quietly.

"I didn't think so and I couldn't blame you." Sam gave a snort of disgust, "I'd be done with me too,"

"HEY… you just shut that kinda talk… that's my kid brother you're talking about." Dean said with a smirk.

Tiny smile. "I coulda called. I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right you weren't. If there were a time, ever… that you think you can't talk to me." Sam started to interrupt, Dean held up a hand. "If ever… you call Bobby. He'll sort it out. Even if he has to knock our heads together, ok? Promise me, Sammy."

Sam gave him a genuine smile, "I promise."

Bobby lay quietly, it was humbling that his boys felt he could fix things for them if needed. A single tear slipped silently down his cheek as he pretended to sleep.

Sam turned serious, "Dean I'm sorry. I was… I was aggravated that you trust dad so completely," he held up to quiet Dean, "But I'm right _here_ dude… and you trust _him more_… it just hurts sometimes… I… I guess Ellicott magnified that." Sam bit his lip waiting for Dean's response. After a second he continued, "Cause Dean you're my…" Sam looked down blushing, "_You're my hero_, man. You've been my brother, mother, teacher, best friend… father. I never missed out on anything because you were there being whatever I needed." He shook his head sadly as he looked up at Dean, "I wanted _you_ to feel _that way about me_." He sunk back onto the bed, "I was jealous.. And when I went to Stanford… I knew you and dad would do the things you always did together without me anyways, without having to worry about me being there…third wheel and all…"

"Dude, we never felt that way." Dean stood, putting his hand on Sam's arm.

"I didn't think you would miss me." Sam snuck a look at Dean, "like I missed you."

"You freak…" Dean gave him an affectionate look, "I went on a week long bender, when dad found me he nearly killed me." He ruffled Sam's hair. "Don't ever scare me like this again. And you need to remember if you ever try anything like this again you better have two bullets in that gun instead of one…" Dean expression turned serious.

When realization hit Sam, he snapped, "That's stupid Dean."

"And killing yourself ain't?" Dean snarled right back.

"Idjits!" Snapped Bobby, "The both of you… either one of you pull a damn full stunt like that again and I'll pull your asses outa hell just to kill ya myself!" Fumbling with the recliner to pull it in to an upright position. "Now, tell each other what you really want to say and shut up about it."

They looked at each other and then in unison said, "We love you too, Uncle Bobby." and silently, " I love you." to each other with their eyes.

"Ya idjits!" Bobby said softly, message received and I love you too, boys.

**THE END**


End file.
